Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Kicking The Black Dog.

Readers, did you know Winston Churchill suffered from debilitating depression? He called it a black dog in his memoirs. I bet that confused people. So when I say, "kicking the black dog," don't throw a PETA fit, I'm just talking about eradicating my seasonal depression.

Not like that's anything unusual, lots of people get depressed in the wintertime. I'm just one of them. Late January, early February, it hits. I start sleeping longer than usual. I build forts in front of the heater. Showering is a thing of the past. After a few weeks of this, I realize that I'm pretty darn blue.

I don't know why it's not ok to talk about this. A societal thing, I 'spose. Depression happens to almost everyone, but whenever I'm depressed, I feel like I'm the only sad person alive. Obviously that can't be the case and so today I will outline for any closet closet cases my plans to kick the black dog.

1. Sweet Treats. I'm not huge on abusing food, but to get over whatever funk I am in, I plan on eating a few sweet treats. Cheesecake and popcorn, mostly. I don't ever want to advocate eating your feelings, but I firmly believe in treating yourself to something good.

2. Exercise. Maybe I'm a hypocrite for advocating this one, I never ever exercise in a normal world. This is not a normal world, it's winter. So I have began exercising in a manner befitting Sarah: dancing like a maniac in my living room. I highly recommend Beyonce's music. She's upbeat and you get kind of an urban-cool feeling whilst dancing like a maniac.

3. Family. Family time is a good time. First of all, your family naturally likes you and that's a ready-made self-esteem boost. Secondly, your family will naturally feed you. (See item one.)

4. Babies. If you're lucky, you can combine 3 & 4. If you're blue, I recommend seeking baby treatment. It doesn't have to be your own, but find a baby fast. Babies have some pheromone or magic power that automatically cheers people up. I call it cuteness.

5. Made-Up Words. It raelly hleps me if I can spaek in jibberish, lkie tihs. Force yourself to say words like "noodle" and "potpourri" in situations where they are inappropriate. Example: "Mr. Williams, you are a noodle-eyed glass of potpourri!"

6. The Muppets. The Muppets are key to getting over a bad mood. They are hilarious, plus they come in a lot of varied colors. If you're scared, start with something soft, like Muppet Babies. Then you are combining babies and Muppets, which is genius. If you're brave, jump right in to The Great Muppet Caper, my personal favorite. If you don't feel like this option is for you, try Fraggle Rock or Seasame Street. They're not as good, but it's the same basic principles.

7. Religion. I'm pretty sure that most of my readers are LDS, like me, but regardless of beliefs, I recommend religion when you're blue. Not only will you find great amounts of personal peace and clarity, you will likely stumble upon babies and food while attending.

8. Warm Water. I don't mean glasses of warm water or anything gross like that, I'm talking about baths, hot tubs and hot springs. These are absolutely essential to being happy. Just don't think about the germs.

9. Books. This one really has to be your call, but I recommend reading worthless books during this trying time. I just finished a fantastic one about gossiping debutantes in Gilded Age Manhattan. It was complete rubbish, but I had a great time. Great literature is often depressing. You need the kind of stuff where the heroine dresses up like a boy and finds true love and awkward situations. This is very important.

10. Jeffrey. Suckers! Only I can have this step. I hope this doesn't make you more blue, but having a sweet husband helps so much with my wintertime blues. He doesn't judge his Muppet-lovin, trash-reading, fake-wordy, bathwater bride.


Gillian said...

Loved the entry, every time we stop by my parents they feel it necessary to feed us. I am pretty sure they assume that b/c we are young we are going to starve to death. If only my Dad was a better cook I would take them up on it a lot more!

Rob & Vienna said...

I wonder if finishing, A Town Like Alice, would cheer you. And perhaps you should make some worms and dirt. I know you love that deceptively yucky treat. If you need some comp'ny to cheer you, I'm not far off.

Anonymous said...

I think you're on to something here. Sesame Street helped when I was my saddest. (I owe that little
Count). A hot tub, Chocolate Fudge ice cream and a good book could make the world a happy place

Marni said...

One more reason to love Winston. And I have a Jeffrey, you aren't the only one! You know you have at least two other best friends who will share your blues and rock you on the bathroom floor while counting blessings.

I have a great work of teen lit that you may enjoy...called Does My Head Look Big in This? about a Muslim girl who decides to wear the hajib. Involves boy crushes, crazy parents, the works. Say the word and it will come to you. I thought of you when I read it.

Anonymous said...

James wanted me to tell you that the best way to get rid of the Black Dog is to take a nap with the white dog. Also tell your male readers that watching MonsterQuest on the History channel can also cahse the blues away


AnneMarie said...

I've found a way to combine three of the tactics mentioned. Do situps with a baby on your belly whilst watching "what not to wear". Okay, so the third isn't mentioned, but it's like unto the reading idea.
Love your posts!

AnneMarie said...

ps your mom showed me some wedding pics the other day and we both agreed that they need to find their way into cyberspace (aka your blog)

Marta said...

"thieves aren't breathing down you're neck..." Great Muppet Caper is by far the best, old Muppet Shows are also good. It is also fun to try to dance like Beyonce does in the Single Ladies music video. Singing along helps too. (Can you tell I just discovered your blog? Thank goodness for Facebook.)