You Are So Young.

A few months ago, I bought a Groupon to get my hair done and finally one Saturday in December,  I was able to go.

After the makeover.

It was fun. My stylist was an Iranian woman who didn't speak English, like at all, and because of that the owner of the salon kept coming over to talk to me to make sure I wasn't lonely. Jeff and Adam were out shopping during my year-long appointment and at one point, they came in and said hello.

After they left, the owner came running over. "You have a baby? You are so young. It seems like you are much too young to have a baby." Very slowly, I reached under my smock and zipped up my hoodie, making it less obvious that I am crazy enough to have not only ONE, but TWO babies at my age. I didn't want to distress her.

My age? I'm 23, but I usually tell people I'm 24 if they ask me in reference to my child-bearing. It's only a lie until March. If they're still distressed, I tell them that I am married and college-educated and when they hear the word "college" I can visibly see them relax. I kind of want to sit the commentators down and tell them that where I come from having kids at my age is not considered a huge deal and while I am on the younger end of the spectrum, I am not necessarily on the stupid end of the spectrum.

You see, I get comments a lot. Not enough for me to write a good blog about it until now, but it happens a fair amount and is certainly increasing as my second pregnancy progresses. I wish I could find a good solid stat to back this up, but the average age of first time mothers in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley has to be about 40. That's an exaggeration, but not as much of one as you'd might think. The first time I took Adam to the public pool in Palo Alto, I thought that all the women with their babies were grandmothers. On the other hand, people often think I am Adam's nanny. Because you just don't live in Silicon Valley and not have a nanny.

I've heard so many of my friends/FB friends/acquaintances complain about the narrow-mindedness of people in Utah/Idaho/Mormon Country. I'll be honest, most of these friends are ex-Mormons or Mormons who are  too cool for school. Let me be clear: they are cuckoo-crazy wrong. People are narrow-minded everywhere. There are culture bubbles every place you will go and in these pockets you will always find people who: A.) fit in and think other culture bubbles are crazy and B.) do not precisely fit in and think that the local bubble is crazy.That's why my friends who don't fit well into LDS culture feel that they are in the seventh circle of crazy and that's why I sometimes feel like I am in another (insane) world. But  neither Utah nor California has a monopoly on being judgmental- people in general do.

I wish I could have this conversation with the next person who is offended that I have a baby- let's say she's a woman named Sal.

Sal: I see you have a small child. That is interesting, because you seem to be very young.
Me: Ah, yes. He is the light of my life. I am young, but not obscenely so.
Sal: But you chose to have a baby over a career?
Me: Sort of.
Sal: But really, aren't you too young to be having a family?
Me: Who knows? I don't want a career right now and I like having a family. I like being a mother.
Sal: What a novel idea!
Me: You see, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and family is an important component of our doctrine. Culturally, we often get married and start our families young.
Sal: That's interesting. I believe that a woman is not ready to have a family until she has worked for several years and left her mark on the world. Then she will have really lived life before starting a new one.
Me: That's also very interesting. I think it's a very good philosophy- but maybe not the right one for me. I believe that having kids is not taking away from my life- it IS my life and I like my life.
Sal: I respect you. You go and have more babies.
Me: I'm 22 weeks ahead of you on that one.

To prove that I'm actually a hypocrite, I have to tell you something. I was playing at the park with Adam yesterday and after about a half-hour of observing (and finally I just heard her say it several times in Spanish), I realized that who I thought was a 15 year-old girl playing with her 2 year-old sister was actually her mother. I was just as distressed and condescending as all of my commentators always are when they look at me. Maybe she looks younger than she is? Maybe she is in a loving, committed relationship and she and her partner can easily support their little girl? Or maybe she is just an absurdly young teen mom who will have a hard life- does it matter? She will continue to live that life with or without my condescension and I'm sure she'd appreciate it if I didn't stoop to becoming one more commentator on her life that will surely be full of rude comments by strangers.

There's not an easy solution to my predicament, because I am still about 10 years off the accepted age of a local mother, but I'm going to try to be more patient with the next person who tells me I'm too young to be a mother. I am not the norm here and I understand that my lifestyle can be baffling to others. I am happy and confident in my abilities to be a young mother and I will try to let that shine through in these awkward little confrontations.

And also... I think I'm going to start telling people I'm 25.